I had decided to list my offensively-expensive-when-new,
gently-used maternity support belt. For those of you unfamiliar with such an
item, imagine a cross between a chastity belt, a thong big enough for grandpa,
and an industrial grade construction belt with lace. It’s used outside the
underwear and was very clean, as I clearly stated in the posting. It had been my salvation during my painful pregnancy and I still have very sentimental feelings towards it for that reason.
I knew there would be comments. In fact, I was secretly looking forward to anything that would be clever. But I was surprised at what happened instead.
I knew there would be comments. In fact, I was secretly looking forward to anything that would be clever. But I was surprised at what happened instead.
“She’s a bully and I
won’t stand for it.” That was my mom calling to inform me that a lady from the
group had copied and reposted my photo on the group page without my
description, but left her own comment instead, “This is gross.”
“No, mom,” I said, “I’m sure she’s just trying to be funny.
She’s just one person and I’m not deleting the post. I really want to sell it. It was really expensive.”
But I should have known. Mother is always right.
The comments came in fast. They started as snarky remarks. “This
is disgusting,” and “What is that??!!?” The comments really didn’t bother me, I have a pretty thick skin and a good sense of humor. “LMBO is all I can say,” and yes, I did have to google to find out what LMBO meant. “Someone
identify this before we snicker ourselves sick,” wrote another woman. In less than two minutes I had over a
dozen comments, and they kept coming, and coming fast.
When the comments started to pile up I started to feel
anxious about the whole thing, which surprised me. I started to wonder how many comments I would get and if they would last on my permanent online record. I was hoping to get a laugh, but
instead I flashed back to when I was as the girl wearing braces and a handmade kitty sweater in an age of neon socks and Hypercolor shirts. The funny, snarky comments had accidentally crossed
over to cyber bullying without anyone really realizing it. If you don’t believe
me, then let me explain.
Those women didn't have to say anything necessarily piercing. It became bullying when they made those comments in front of a large group of my peers. But somehow people have forgotten that when online.
Those women didn't have to say anything necessarily piercing. It became bullying when they made those comments in front of a large group of my peers. But somehow people have forgotten that when online.
If I had walked into a restaurant and if twenty women started
to make fun of my dress, it would suck to be me. It wouldn't have been nice, but it wouldn't have been bullying necessarily either. Now imagine instead that those
same women were standing on a platform with a megaphone in front of nine-hundred and
eighty-five other moms when they berated me. And all one-thousand of those moms
shopped at my Target and dropped their kids off at my kid’s school and
played at my park. And all one thousand of those moms knew that I was the "gross" mom posting a "gross" maternity belt. It changed into bullying because it was done online.
After ten minutes of comments one lady posted in my defense that it
was a maternity belt and I thanked her on the thread because I had
started to feel “ganged up on.” All of the sudden the comments turned more
personal. “You can’t say this was ganging up,” and “don’t be so dramatic about
it.” "You’ll need to leave the group if you can’t
stop causing problems," and "we can report you to the administrator and have you kicked out." But I loved the cheap-awesome -kid-stuff group. I
really didn’t want to be forced out. I did some research and was able to delete my post before things got worse.
Things had gone from snarky comments to nearly being kicked out of a group that I liked. In
fifteen minutes. For posting a maternity belt. I don't think any of those mommies meant to bully. I think they'd still think my stance is overly dramatic and that real bullying is when a bigger kid holds your head in the toilet during recess. But today's rules about bullying are changing. I think that we all forget that the online world is changing too. The world-wide-web actually has made our world smaller and more personal. People can't hide behind anonymous Myspace avatars anymore. They can't make comments without consequences anymore.
As it was, I was able to donate my overpriced maternity belt to a single mom's group. Hopefully it was more appreciated there. I'm thinking that you just have to have insanely painful Vulva Vericose Veins and crippling pelvic pressure to appreciate the relief of a maternity belt at a second hand cost.
Wait, did I just write the word Vulva? Yes, yes I did. And watch the snarky comments in 3...2...1...go.
As it was, I was able to donate my overpriced maternity belt to a single mom's group. Hopefully it was more appreciated there. I'm thinking that you just have to have insanely painful Vulva Vericose Veins and crippling pelvic pressure to appreciate the relief of a maternity belt at a second hand cost.
Wait, did I just write the word Vulva? Yes, yes I did. And watch the snarky comments in 3...2...1...go.
