Chores and Preschoolers

I have a theory. I don't think that kids did chores in America a hundred years ago.

The definition of chores: "A unnecessary and irritating task contrived by bored parents looking for an opportunity to boss their kids around and involves minimal financial compensation and tireless nagging."

I'll use Laura Engel Wilder for my proof that children didn't do chores. She spent most of her life on a farm in 19th century America. She did things like feed the chickens before school, weed the garden, milk the cow. You might be thinking these are chores, but according to my definition above, they are clearly something more. Kids in charge of feeding the chickens knew that if they didn't feed their animals, they wouldn't get eggs. The survival of their family actually depended on them. And they knew it.

The family worked as a team for in order to eat. It wasn't meaningless work and though it might have been mundane, kids probably enjoyed food through the winter more than they liked skipping rocks, or whatever else they did for fun back then.

My kids, age three and five, do chores. And it's not because I'm lazy and need the help (all moms know that kids doing chores at this age can actually make more work, not less) but because I am trying to lay the foundation that chores can be enjoyable, give them a chance to be an important part of the family, and that we can have family time when we work together.

First, to make chores enjoyable I've done a few things. I try to find chores that match their interest levels. My son is tickled pink to be using a kid-safe window cleaner** in a spray bottle on all our windows. My daughter loves that she has tiny gardening gloves and can use her safety scissors to prune dead roses for me. They have kid-sized rakes and we make big piles of leaves that we dance in before we put them in the compost. We often have dance music blasting the whole time.

To make chores important I let them take some risks. My five year old is allowed to wash glass plates in the sink. Although we have a dishwasher she loves having a "grown-up" chore. I make sure they're dishes that can break without breaking the bank, but giving her a chance to learn responsibility is more important to me than a $5 plate. My son gets to use the small vacuum, even though it doesn't really do much. And that's fine for now.

As they grow up, I want their chores to reflect their importance. I plan on letting them help me plan meals, budget and be in charge of making dinner once a week. And the older they get, the more I'll stay out of the process and with any luck they'll end up in college eating more than microwaveable mac-n-cheese.

To make chores a family affair we set aside a time where we do them together. Every Saturday the kids know we'll be in the yard raking before we play. When it's time to clean rooms, we all go into one kids room and work together to clean it (they straighten, I mop) and then we move onto the next kid's room. Then it's not isolating or seen as a punishment. When we clean the toys up in the living room every night, we do it together. I don't want there to be "mom's or dad's jobs" and "kid's jobs" as much as "family jobs."

I've also broken down chores into three categories. Chores that "expected", like taking their plates to the sink and picking up their toys. Then there are "allowance" chores. Raking the yard and cleaning their rooms every Saturday gets them ten dimes every week. (Why ten dimes? Because then it's easy for them to tithe and put a dime into their savings jar before putting eight dimes in their piggy banks.) Finally I have "extra" chores that they can do to make extra dimes when they're so inclined. These are more traditional chores like sweeping, dusting and vacuuming.

My plan is that if we start chores now then by the time they're teens, it won't be a shock to their system to be a productive part of the family. If they learn now that there are both positive and negative consequences associated with chores, I hope not to nag. Actually I already know I won't be nagging, I'll let the consequences do the hard work for me. And by having them practice life skills more and more as they grow up, I hope to have them ready to not only take care of their families, but to have them full of joy as they do so.


** These are some of the safe cleansers we use at home. I REALLY like them. Most natural cleansers don't work at all, but Branch Basics does and it's so safe that we use it for laundry and hand washing as well. Plus I add some lavender oil and my whole house smells like expensive massage when I'm done.

You can also make kid-safe window cleanser by combining 1/4 cup vinegar, 1/2 tsp liquid dish soap and 2 cups water in a spray bottle. I don't think it works as well as Branch Basics but it is kid safe.