Luke gardening

A rebuttal to the rebuttal of "Christian Cleavage"

I’ve been reading this so called debate on “Christian Cleavage,” and I thought perhaps it was time for someone with actual breasts to weigh in. You can read the original rebuttal by Jayson Bradley on Relevant Magazine. 

“I have one breast,” my five year old daughter informed me the other day. In reality she had a kitty stuffed down her shirt. 

“How nice for you,” I replied. “Remeber,” I warned her, “that play is ok at home, but outside of home, it could make people uncomfortable.” 

I have two children under the age of five, a son and a daughter, and in our house we say breast, vagina, and penis. Why? Because shaming our bodies begins much earlier than youth group sex talks. It starts as early as learning the names of body parts. Growing up I didn’t have a vagina or prepubescent breasts. I had “private parts.” And I understand why my parents did it. They wanted me to know that my sexual parts were privately owned and not to be shared. 

My parents were trying to protect us from sexual predators. Today there is increasing thought that “private parts” can enable sexual predators as children can’t identify where they were touched. But that’s not the only reason we don’t say “private parts” in our house. It’s because I don’t want my children growing up feeling that their vagina and penis are shameful beyond words. We don’t give cutsie nicknames either. We use the correct terms for our anatomy, though it occasionally results in surprised stares from strangers if my daughter says, “my vagina hurts.”  

There are many Christians today who believe that their bodies are shameful. In fact, there are some who’ve probably stopped reading this because I used the medical terms vagina, penis, and breasts. And there are others who are only reading this because of it. 

Healthy, mature, Christian men should support the freedom Christ has given to women. They don’t need to limit our polka dots or skirt lengths. A mature Christian woman knows what is appropriate. When I do not dress sexually, I’m telling the world that I know my value. I know who I am in Christ and I refuse to be seen as merely a sexual object. I can dress modestly while still looking attractive because I am unafraid and unashamed of the body that God knit together for me while I was still in my mother’s womb. Because any woman can tell you that a lady can wear all the “right” things and still radiate cheap sexuality. It’s not necessarily how short the skirt line is, it’s what is in her heart that comes out.

However, didn’t Paul say that he wouldn’t eat meat if it caused weaker Christians to falter? I think Jayson is minimizing the struggle that men have in order to push back against the nonsense Christian women go through. He's right to say that noticing cleavage isn't a sin. But as a woman it took me fifteen years of marriage to realize how visual men really are. They are wired that way by God, and while that isn't a bad thing, I feel that women do have a responsibility to protect the weaker sex.

For this very reason my cousin Lee* is in Zanzibar as a missionary and wears very modest clothing and a head scarf because she values sharing Christ more than she values her personal freedom. In America, a culture that is fine with baring every part of a woman’s breast but her nipples, our modesty can speak volumes.

That’s why my daughter can talk openly about breasts at home. She has that freedom to not be ashamed of her body. When we are in public we are more careful. Because we have liberty doesn't mean we are obligated to flaunt it. God forbid that I teach my daughter to use her freedom to cause others to stumble. 

Therefore it’s a team effort. Women, dress as a daughter of Christ and you will never go wrong. Men, submit your eyes to Christ and you will never go wrong. Women, protect men as they struggle with sexuality. Men, don't put restrictions on women that Christ has not. 

Let love guide us in all things, and we will show the world what love and freedom in Christ really looks like. And thanks Jayson Bradley for being unafraid to stick his neck out for women. We need more Christian men like him.

* Lee's name has been changed for her protection.

An Open Letter to Mothers Who Don't Vaccinate

Dear Moms who do not vaccinate your children,

You and I have more in common than you might think. My children are my sun and moon. I know you love your children extravagantly too.  Like me, I believe you would go to any extreme if it could ensure your child a long and safe life. I feel the exact same. Yet on the issue of vaccines, we differ.

I would vaccinate my children if I could. My daughter Grace is currently unvaccinated because I am not given the choice. Grace was diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia a few weeks after her fourth birthday. It was the day time stood still for my family and me. Because of her cancer she is the most susceptible to catching diseases, the most likely to die from them, yet she is not allowed to have vaccines to prevent them. The irony of the situation is not lost on me. 

Before cancer became a member of our family I was on the fence about vaccines. I have never seen a case of polio or measles but I have seen plenty of children with autism. I was hesitant to trust “traditional medicine” but I was very comfortable using herbal and homeopathic remedies. I even grew our own organic vegetables. It just seemed the claims against vaccines were so accusatory, so loud, so confident. Everyone had an opinion. I didn't know who to trust.

When cancer hit we researched every kind of treatment for Grace. My husband and I decided we would use whatever worked, traditional or alternative, as long as it had documented proof of working consistently. Grace had a 20% chance of survival and we were willing to do whatever it took to get her a cure. We researched herbal remedies, including marijuana. We researched juicing, vitamins, raw foods, cooked foods, essential oils, you name it…no one could prove they consistently cured children of cancer. But chemotherapy did. Dreaded chemotherapy, the treatment we both hate and love, became our answer. It would bring Grace’s survival rate up to 80%. That was the day we decided to start trusting traditional medicine.

But it wasn't just medicine I didn't trust. I thought doctors were “in it for the money” and that they skewed research results in order to get funding from pharmaceutical companies. Now we had to trust doctors for the life of our daughter. Because of cancer we got to know our medical team very intimately. We spent over one hundred days living at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles (not to mention the days we spent there for outpatient treatment). I can’t speak for all doctors, but the doctors and nurses who work at children’s hospitals are there for the kids. Nothing else. They work tirelessly with cranky kids, exhausted parents, and with dying children that the doctors know they shouldn't get emotionally attached to, but they do anyways. Because they love kids.

And after they finished taking care of my daughter for the day, they went home and took care of their own children. They went from being our medical team to family. I found that everything that was said about them was wrong. I discovered that doctors recommend certain medicines for a reason. It’s because they want children to have the best chance at survival and to have healthy and happy lives. They don’t have a hidden agenda. They don’t rely on wishful thinking or hopeful remedies. They use what works. I wouldn't trust doctors to save my life. I trust them even more than that. I daily trust them to save my daughter’s life.

I wouldn't wish what we've gone through on my worst enemy. We saw our daughter too sick to eat, too weak to play, too tired to smile. We spent sleepless nights wondering if we would hear our beautiful daughter’s laugh in the morning. There is no pain like seeing your child suffer while fighting for their life.

Actually…there is one pain worse, and that’s only the anguish of finding out that you could have prevented it. I know I did everything to prevent my daughter from getting cancer and cancer still found her.  I would give anything to have my daughter vaccinated today. I would do anything to spare her from disease.

There are vaccines for your child. You can protect them from having to fight for their lives against life threatening diseases. These diseases are monsters. They steal life from even the bravest and strongest of children.  Please don’t risk your child’s life. You can do what I can’t. You can vaccinate and save your child from suffering or even death.

From one mom to another, if you have the chance to save your child from a life threatening disease, please, please, from the bottom of my heart, please…vaccinate your child.

Very sincerely,

Melissa Bumstead, aka Gracie’s Mommy

Read more about Gracie here: www.TeamGraceEllen.com

Death and Dying

"I'm scared of my toy dying," Grace said the other day while playing with a doll, "just like you were scared of me dying."

That pretty much felt like a punch in the stomach. In times like this I do the S.O.S. prayer. I don't have more time than to pray "save my ship" and get into solving the problem. Thankfully we've been over this topic a few times before, though none so direct. Thankfully God always hears this prayer and gives wisdom "generously to all without finding fault..." James 1:15

I don't want Gracie to be afraid of dying. Death is the reality for all of us and if it comes to Gracie tomorrow or in one-hundred years, I want her to be ready for it. We've let her know that some kids aren't able to beat their cancer. She knows that some kids will die, and have died, from cancer.

It's not to scare her. But I've heard of stories where cancer kids went from sick to actually dying in a sometimes short time. It's not common, but when an infection hits, these kids are literally fighting for their lives. Even the bravest and the strongest may not win their battle. God forbid Grace would die from an infection rapidly taking over her body, but if it did, I wouldn't want the concept of dying be something that we only had an hour to introduce, especially if I were to be near hysterics. Not that we wouldn't encourage her to fight her infection...

Also, I believe that kids are smarter than they let on. They can tell if we're hiding a concept. They also know that if we hide it, then it must be very scary indeed. If death becomes the unmentionable fear, then everyday life would be terrifying once the dots are connected from cancer to death. She would figure it out sooner or later. We didn't want that for Grace.

So I took a deep breath.

"We all die Gracie. Everyone. There were a few times I was worried that you might die," I said, "but I wasn't too scared," I said truthfully.

"Why?" she asked.

"Why? But because of Jesus we have a place called heaven where we won't die anymore. And there's no cancer or pain there. And I know that if you died that Jesus would take care of you and love you. We would be together again there."

In the past Grace has wondered if her toys would be there. I told her they would be. I figure heaven is a place where all our needs are met, so toys would be appropriate. She's also glad to know our two cats Dash and Alex will be there. Heaven isn't a vague, scary, unknown. It's a place very similar to home.

Since that day none of Grace's other toys have died. They go to the hospital often, but they're always healed once Dr. Grace tends to them. And I'm so thankful she's not afraid of dying because only then can you really enjoy living.

I wrote this about death the other day. It's a little wordy, but here it goes:

The process of leaving our mother's wombs is a frightening and painful experience. The transition is abrupt and unexpected. It is a process that leaves us cold, vulnerable, and weak. Yet our pain and effort is small compared to the labor of our mothers who did for us what we could never do for ourselves.

If we had the capacity to remember that day I think we would be deeply traumatized. We would be terrified that perhaps we would be suddenly expelled from this world into another unknown life. And of course, the fear of death is exactly that.

As I daily walk towards that time that I should die I will remember that it is natural that death should be similar to birth. Death is also a relatively short, often painful transition that brings us to life. Eternal life, that is. Yet our suffering and effort is small compared to the painful labors of our Savior Jesus. He did for us what we could never do for ourselves.

When we die and are birthed into heaven, I don't think we will be grieved by the experience. I don't think we'll have any residual trauma. It is likely we will even celebrate that day as our true birthday. For that will be the day we came into the fullness of life.

"Just as Jesus was raised as the first of the harvest, then all who belong to Christ will be raised when he comes back." 1 Cor 15:23